The rules of the internet (Friday Fun Post!)

Something dawned on me as I was transversing the blogosphere the last couple of days.

Ettiquette.

"Back in the day" when chatting was done at "internet cafe's" there were rules that everyone observed when chatting or making a comment. As time passed however, it seems that what we previously looked at as "rules" were considered to be mere suggestions. Today, the end result is that these "rules" aren't even thought of and have been forgotten.

In the interest of helping the internet (and games such as SL) become a better place, I've decided to post the commandments of chat.

Rule #1: Thou shall not omit verbs, nouns and/or adjectives.
Omitting these because it's "faster" only proves to others that you lack typing skills. Often, the time "saved" is lost exponentially by having to explain and then re-explain what it was you were trying to say.

Rule #2: Thou shall not randomly ask someone to "cyber".
A good rule of thumb here is to not say anything to anyone that you wouldn't say to them in real life. If you were at a bar and you led out with that... well let's just say that I know quite a few women who are well-versed in "Beat-the-ever-loving-crap-out-of-you Fu." They also know how to find you...

Rule #3: Thou shall not use more than three exclamation points... EVER!!!
I understand that it's hard to express yourself through mere words without using facial expressions or voice intonation/inflection however, there is a fine like between being excited and acting like an actress on clueless jumping up and clapping your hands because you just found a new pink shirt. There is also the reader to think of... how do you feel after reading the following sentence? "I totally LOVE Hansen!!!!!1!!!1!!!!!!111!!!!1!eleven!!!!!!1!!!1!!!!!!eleventy-one!!!!!!" Yeah... I feel dirty too. Sorry about that but it had to be done. We will now pause so that we can all go take showers.
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Ok, we're back! ... man, they just don't make water hot enough to clean that amount of wrong do they?


Rule #4: Thou shall ask for clarification before becoming angry.
Accept the fact that occasionally, "I really like your avatar" actually means "I really like your avatar" and not "You pathetic sheep of an internet denizen, your usage of this image that literally saturates the internet disgusts me to the point of committing ritual Seppuku" Learn to react to the correct meaning by asking a simple question "what do you mean?" I know it's a VERY foreign concept for some of you out there, but trust me when I tell you that not everyone out there hates you.

Rule #5: Thou shall not curse so much that the point of your statement is lost in the word filter.
Allow me to share a phrase I saw online recently:"@$%@#$ Noob!! Go !@# yourself!!! Your grandmother @#$#@ her #$@# on a ^%^$%% at @#$@#$ CHURCH!!!" This was not an appropriate response to "how was your day?"... or anything really. In fact, this is probably not even appropriate at a Tourettes-syndrome convention. Keep it clean and use cursing in moderation as a spice to flavor your speech rather than to smother it.

Rule #6: Thou shall not use phrases that are offensive.
"Ghey", "gay" or other, more harsh statements meant in a derogatory way usually aren't tolerated... by anyone. Spelling it in a way that exhibits your "uber-ness" will not make anyone less offended. It also outs you as a newbie pretty quickly. I have a friend who's little brother was complaining that no-one liked him and he kept getting kicked out of chat. Reading his transcripts proved that he was a cyber-punk (and not in the good way). Many hours of electro-shock therapy later proved to be the solution.

Rule #7: Thou shall not draw during active chat sessions.
Yes, we know that there are sometimes some cool things that can show up in a scrolling environment. What is most important to remember however is that people didn't come into the chat room to see YOU perform works of art with your period button. That means that your masterpiece pyramid will look like this:

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Wyatt: hey, did you see Firefly last night?
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Aalanna: Yeah, it was awesome! Brown coats forever!!!
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Wyatt: Do you watch Battlestar Galactica?
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Aalanna: this period picasso needs to stop with the clutter!
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Wyatt: So say we all!
Aalanna: lol

Rule #8: Thou shall not spam audio into the chat room using voice-chat.
Yes, audio clips existed before counter-strike. They were used tastefully and to add a bit of fun to a chat-room. Screaming "I like pie" into your mike until the audio clipping washes out your voice to make it indistinguishable from television static at a volume of 40... well my friend, that's not cool, nor is it fun. Also, please for the love of god make sure you're set to "push to talk" or else we'll hear nothing but heavy breathing, belching and all manner of unsettling sound effects...

Rule #9: Thou shall admit that thou dost not knoweth everything.
Yes, I'm sure you've experienced a LOT in the 13-15 years you've been alive but try to remember that there are a LOT of people who are older who (and this can be hard for a lot of people to understand) have probably experienced more in life than you have. After hearing the 9th person in a chat room tell me that I was an "l00zer n00bzor" when I was discussing that various benefits of rear-end gear ratios and stated that I had never heard of a 1080:1 rear-end.

Rule #10: Thou shall not draw the ire of the chat moderator.
This will be the harshest thing to learn but understand this: You may be a "1337 H4xxor" but the moderator has access to tools that are created to destroy your enjoyment of harassing others. Also, in my experience, Chat mods are usually more "1337" than you are. I remember one mod sending a letter to one "chat-troll's" mother explaining that her son was portraying a 19 year old and was attempting to taking part in some very adult conversations and was giving out their address with an open invitation to come over at any time, day or night. That's not ENTIRELY true... but remember, the mod can pretty much PWN you whenever they want to.

Take to heart these rules and you will enjoy your time in chat/game/second life much more!

-Wyatt-